9/27:
topic given- 'describe the scariest thing that ever happened to you'
The first rain of the season is always such a momentous occasion in California- a seldom occurrence. The county triumphs at the newfound dampening of the earth, each and every person taking the opportunity to run and dance and sing under the lightest sprinkle. I felt somewhat different about the event. I was on the way to school with my mom, she in the driver’s seat. It was a Friday. It wasn’t raining, but it had just rained. The road on the way to my house is very curvy, weaving in and out of the mountain it’s been carved out of. When it rains for the first time after a lengthy dry spell, the droplets are said to bring the grease from the roads to the surface, coating the new wet. This is no myth.
We drove along cautiously, cruising at forty miles an hour in a fifty-five zone. I was reading some last minute World History notes before the second period test as KJUG played on the radio. All I remember was screaming, “Mom! Stop!” as our car swerved this way and that, too many turns for even this curvy road. There was no oncoming traffic or a collision would have been inevitable. I looked at her hands clasping the wheel- her knuckles white with her tight grip. To my right was the hill down to the swimming hole, where I had spent hours swinging off the knotted rope into the deep pool. “Regain control, come on, please,” I thought, but it wasn’t possible. The car went off the road, then spun around so the trunk was the first thing heading down the incline. My backpack flew up and hit my forehead, but the pain was silenced, just as the radio seemed to be. A thick trunked tree and a heavy boulder broke our fall. It was over, and we were okay.
I instinctively unbuckled my seat belt and was immediately angry for doing so, as I worried what would happen if the car continued falling. We were in an area of no cell reception, but I attempted to dial nine-one-one just the same. “our car went off the road on highway forty-one,” but the response I received was “I’m– you’re breaking– hello?–” then silence. We feared movement since we were secure, as far as we knew, as long as we stayed still. Any shift of weight could have tragic consequences. “ARE YOU OKAY?” we heard the voice of a woman scream from above us. “HELLO? IS EVERYONE OKAY?” Tears came to my mother’s eyes as she cleared her throat to reply, “We’re fine, get help.” The woman, who had been driving our direction, had seen a car go off the road and had stopped to make sure things were all right. She flagged down four more cars- our guardian angel. Men climbed down our steep slope to check what was holding us in place. “You’re fine, that rock isn’t going anywhere,” a young man reassured us. The fire department was called and helped us out of our now mangled car-like structure. We climbed up the hill and saw that our car had fallen directly between a telephone pole and a metal road barrier, missing each by a mere five feet or so. We could have easily hit either head-on, could have been seriously injured, but all I took away from the morning was a bump on my forehead and slight whiplash. I must have done something right.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
9/23 adventure
9/23:
because plans change, but not always for the worse
turns out my best friend's family decided this would be a good weekend to come to slo. but, as sad as it may sound, the point wasn't totally to see her, it was to get away. and i can't get away when driving half an hour to slo. she apologized about the sudden change in plans, told me not to worry about staying around just to see her- we'd see each other soon, homecoming.
thursday night joshua picked me up from tennis and i changed out of grossness (of mind from lame tennis co-coaches, as well as clothes) in the car and we went over to farmers'. we parked on the fourth floor of the parking garage and took the glass elevator down. but he forgot his cell phone, so we went back up, then down again in the elevator. we love elevators.
we went and sat in the new brick steps place on chairs. and just talked for a long time. jj called and asked if i could see the sunset? i spun all the way around looking for it, and could just barely see pink over buildings. i told her so. we hung up.
"do you think if we run to the roof of the parking structure we can see it?" he said.
"let's try."
so we ran. i thought he meant 'move quickly,' but no, he meant run. so we held hands and sprinted downtown, sort of getting lost but figuring it out nonetheless. we elevatored up to the roof and ran to the edge, dodging parked cars and pedestrians. i leaned against the wall.
"we missed it..."
"no, there's a little bit of pink left, see it? that little sliver of pink? that counts. we caught it."
we stood there for a long time. it was perfect. and we talked about how we could see all of san luis. and we looked for roofs that would be good to sit on, and planned how we would get up onto them.
we met alyssa and emma at gap, and gave huge hugs to both of them. as i was hugging aly, josh picked both of us up. quite impressive. we went to starbucks for water for me. he got pumpkin something. the people that work there that i like weren't there. bummer.
we sat down and wripped apart the straw wrappers making them say different things, instead of "not meant for use in hot beverages" or something.
"for hot men be not in rages." much better. it was left on the table.
aly's mom was coming pick her and emma up. so i said goodbye to both of them, alyssa for good, for now.
josh and i started walking- i led. he wondered where we were going, but i wouldn't say. "are we going to that park over here?" "no" "if we turn right we're going to the park" "we're not going to the park" but we went to the park. i lie.
there were two other people about our age playing on the play ground, and a few others walking around on the grass. we laughed at the fact that the last few times we've been there there have only been high schoolers on the little kid playground, not little kids. it's funny how things go from being cool- to uncool- to cool again. like going to bed early, and stuffed animals, and stickers. ya know?
we walked back to the garage and drove home.
friday was great too. and yesterday was great too. i will have to write about them soon. but i need to start today now. so *rain check*. i'm happy things are looking up in my life. and in others' as well. i love you all.
because plans change, but not always for the worse
turns out my best friend's family decided this would be a good weekend to come to slo. but, as sad as it may sound, the point wasn't totally to see her, it was to get away. and i can't get away when driving half an hour to slo. she apologized about the sudden change in plans, told me not to worry about staying around just to see her- we'd see each other soon, homecoming.
thursday night joshua picked me up from tennis and i changed out of grossness (of mind from lame tennis co-coaches, as well as clothes) in the car and we went over to farmers'. we parked on the fourth floor of the parking garage and took the glass elevator down. but he forgot his cell phone, so we went back up, then down again in the elevator. we love elevators.
we went and sat in the new brick steps place on chairs. and just talked for a long time. jj called and asked if i could see the sunset? i spun all the way around looking for it, and could just barely see pink over buildings. i told her so. we hung up.
"do you think if we run to the roof of the parking structure we can see it?" he said.
"let's try."
so we ran. i thought he meant 'move quickly,' but no, he meant run. so we held hands and sprinted downtown, sort of getting lost but figuring it out nonetheless. we elevatored up to the roof and ran to the edge, dodging parked cars and pedestrians. i leaned against the wall.
"we missed it..."
"no, there's a little bit of pink left, see it? that little sliver of pink? that counts. we caught it."
we stood there for a long time. it was perfect. and we talked about how we could see all of san luis. and we looked for roofs that would be good to sit on, and planned how we would get up onto them.
we met alyssa and emma at gap, and gave huge hugs to both of them. as i was hugging aly, josh picked both of us up. quite impressive. we went to starbucks for water for me. he got pumpkin something. the people that work there that i like weren't there. bummer.
we sat down and wripped apart the straw wrappers making them say different things, instead of "not meant for use in hot beverages" or something.
"for hot men be not in rages." much better. it was left on the table.
aly's mom was coming pick her and emma up. so i said goodbye to both of them, alyssa for good, for now.
josh and i started walking- i led. he wondered where we were going, but i wouldn't say. "are we going to that park over here?" "no" "if we turn right we're going to the park" "we're not going to the park" but we went to the park. i lie.
there were two other people about our age playing on the play ground, and a few others walking around on the grass. we laughed at the fact that the last few times we've been there there have only been high schoolers on the little kid playground, not little kids. it's funny how things go from being cool- to uncool- to cool again. like going to bed early, and stuffed animals, and stickers. ya know?
we walked back to the garage and drove home.
friday was great too. and yesterday was great too. i will have to write about them soon. but i need to start today now. so *rain check*. i'm happy things are looking up in my life. and in others' as well. i love you all.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
9/19 listening
9/19:
because i've learned to listen to advice
i've been talking about how stressed i've been. how much i just need to get away from it all. so a friend told me to do it- get away. he suggested paintballing. but josh took it one step further.
"what are you doing this weekend?"
"nothing"
i was bitter. nothing was right. and i wasn't happy.
"can i please just take you away?"
"what?"
so the plan was made. we're leaving saturday morning. and we're driving. and we're going to salinas to visit my best friend who moved away four years (wow, four years) ago. and we're spending the night there. but most importantly, we're getting away from everything here- people, parents, school, homework.
it'll be perfect. i am so looking forward to it.
i hate that it's this weekend, when people are leaving for college and such. but in the end, the time is now, and this is just something that i have to do. call me selfish, but it's planned. there it is.
i had a long talk with my sister about everything. apparantly when someone asks you "what's wrong" and you respond with "nothing" while bursting into can't-even-breathe tears, you're not so convincing. but we talked and it was good to finally tell someone stress after stress that i'm feeling right now. and she understood and gave advice, as much as was possible. and it made me feel better- more human.
i left school early today because i felt sickish. which sucked, but it was kind of a cool trip home and being home. my dad drove me and we talked about tennis. and we drove past a field that had something black in it, so i looked again and it was this black and white cat just sitting there. i thought it odd, but really cool. i don't know, it just hit me. i got home and changed out of my skirt and dad left right away. i slept for two hours, then woke up. i turned on paperweight (by schulyer fisk and joshua radin), turned up the volume REAL REAL loud, and sang along at the top of my lungs. then i read claudia's bulletin about dancing around, and realized while i was singing i hadn't been along. so i took her advice. and i jumped around and jumped on the couch and chairs and my dog was going crazy, chasing me, wondering what i was thinking. i soon realized jumping up and down does not help cramps. so much for feeling better. i wanted to take pictures. i felt cute. and i'm very into photography since monday's senior pictures. so i put on a skirt and set up my camera on auto and jumped on my bed spinning around and smiling and dancing. my skirt flew up in every picture, so they're all gone as to avoid blackmail. but it was still quite exhilarating. i'd like to try it again, with the camera NOT so under me, perhaps.
this wasn't meant to turn so long. but there it is. there was no real point. that was my day, and those are my thoughts. thanks for reading.
because i've learned to listen to advice
i've been talking about how stressed i've been. how much i just need to get away from it all. so a friend told me to do it- get away. he suggested paintballing. but josh took it one step further.
"what are you doing this weekend?"
"nothing"
i was bitter. nothing was right. and i wasn't happy.
"can i please just take you away?"
"what?"
so the plan was made. we're leaving saturday morning. and we're driving. and we're going to salinas to visit my best friend who moved away four years (wow, four years) ago. and we're spending the night there. but most importantly, we're getting away from everything here- people, parents, school, homework.
it'll be perfect. i am so looking forward to it.
i hate that it's this weekend, when people are leaving for college and such. but in the end, the time is now, and this is just something that i have to do. call me selfish, but it's planned. there it is.
i had a long talk with my sister about everything. apparantly when someone asks you "what's wrong" and you respond with "nothing" while bursting into can't-even-breathe tears, you're not so convincing. but we talked and it was good to finally tell someone stress after stress that i'm feeling right now. and she understood and gave advice, as much as was possible. and it made me feel better- more human.
i left school early today because i felt sickish. which sucked, but it was kind of a cool trip home and being home. my dad drove me and we talked about tennis. and we drove past a field that had something black in it, so i looked again and it was this black and white cat just sitting there. i thought it odd, but really cool. i don't know, it just hit me. i got home and changed out of my skirt and dad left right away. i slept for two hours, then woke up. i turned on paperweight (by schulyer fisk and joshua radin), turned up the volume REAL REAL loud, and sang along at the top of my lungs. then i read claudia's bulletin about dancing around, and realized while i was singing i hadn't been along. so i took her advice. and i jumped around and jumped on the couch and chairs and my dog was going crazy, chasing me, wondering what i was thinking. i soon realized jumping up and down does not help cramps. so much for feeling better. i wanted to take pictures. i felt cute. and i'm very into photography since monday's senior pictures. so i put on a skirt and set up my camera on auto and jumped on my bed spinning around and smiling and dancing. my skirt flew up in every picture, so they're all gone as to avoid blackmail. but it was still quite exhilarating. i'd like to try it again, with the camera NOT so under me, perhaps.
this wasn't meant to turn so long. but there it is. there was no real point. that was my day, and those are my thoughts. thanks for reading.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
9/16 emotional
9/16:
just because
i cannot even describe how emotional i have been lately, at the risk of sounding emo. any little thing that upsets me has been making me cry. and thus, i have been crying a LOT- as in, almost every night and at some point during the day. and a lot of times i've been able to make myself believe that i'm bigger than whatever i'm going through. so it's not actually crying, it's just holding in tears while your nose gets tingly and your eyes water but don't drip. i just want to scream. all the time. seriously.
i hate that so much pressure is being put on me and all of the seniors to get into a good college. i know i'm going to feel like crap when/if i don't get into stanford and berkeley. i know i'll be happy at any of the five-ish colleges i'm going to apply to, but i fear failure, because of what it will bring me.
things with my boyfriend are just okay. he's at cal poly and is very very stressed about the start of school. and it's tough, because he tends to become very keep-to-himself when he's stressed or overwhelmed. and while i need someone to lean on, to be my escape from the real world of college and schol and parents, he just needs to be alone. and it sucks. and i'm worried about us. because i don't know how we're going to live with being so many hours apart next year when i'm at college. because i'm NOT staying in slo. i'm just not.
my parents have been getting on my back about every little thing. they seriously just do not know what is going on in my life. like i said indirectly in a blog a while ago, i came home from a tennis match that emily and i had won (as had our team), and i'm in my room and my mom comes in and says 'if your room ever looks like this again, you will not be able to hang out with josh' 'ok' 'seriously, don't even ask to hang out with him if it looks like this' 'i heard you' .... 'so, how'd your tennis team do?' . right. because that's less important than 'your room is soooo messy, what are you thinking?' it's just so annoying that their priorities are so skewed. i mean, i'm exploding here. i need an outlet, but, no. i need to clean my room first.
just lame. i don't know. they say they're doing so much for me. but what they need to do is: nothing. i would be so happy if they just stopped being concerned with my life and everything in it. if they just let me live and work and didn't yell and let me hang out with the people i needed to be with to stay sane and didn't question my decisions. life isn't perfect right now, but please don't make it worse. please don't TRY to make it worse.
this isn't for sympathy. don't say 'i'm so sorry jackie'. i know you are. i know you wish things weren't tough for me, for all of us. but i just want to get it out. because i hate keeping everything bottled up inside. i need to tell people what's on my mind. this is me doing that. for all five of you. here i am.
just because
i cannot even describe how emotional i have been lately, at the risk of sounding emo. any little thing that upsets me has been making me cry. and thus, i have been crying a LOT- as in, almost every night and at some point during the day. and a lot of times i've been able to make myself believe that i'm bigger than whatever i'm going through. so it's not actually crying, it's just holding in tears while your nose gets tingly and your eyes water but don't drip. i just want to scream. all the time. seriously.
i hate that so much pressure is being put on me and all of the seniors to get into a good college. i know i'm going to feel like crap when/if i don't get into stanford and berkeley. i know i'll be happy at any of the five-ish colleges i'm going to apply to, but i fear failure, because of what it will bring me.
things with my boyfriend are just okay. he's at cal poly and is very very stressed about the start of school. and it's tough, because he tends to become very keep-to-himself when he's stressed or overwhelmed. and while i need someone to lean on, to be my escape from the real world of college and schol and parents, he just needs to be alone. and it sucks. and i'm worried about us. because i don't know how we're going to live with being so many hours apart next year when i'm at college. because i'm NOT staying in slo. i'm just not.
my parents have been getting on my back about every little thing. they seriously just do not know what is going on in my life. like i said indirectly in a blog a while ago, i came home from a tennis match that emily and i had won (as had our team), and i'm in my room and my mom comes in and says 'if your room ever looks like this again, you will not be able to hang out with josh' 'ok' 'seriously, don't even ask to hang out with him if it looks like this' 'i heard you' .... 'so, how'd your tennis team do?' . right. because that's less important than 'your room is soooo messy, what are you thinking?' it's just so annoying that their priorities are so skewed. i mean, i'm exploding here. i need an outlet, but, no. i need to clean my room first.
just lame. i don't know. they say they're doing so much for me. but what they need to do is: nothing. i would be so happy if they just stopped being concerned with my life and everything in it. if they just let me live and work and didn't yell and let me hang out with the people i needed to be with to stay sane and didn't question my decisions. life isn't perfect right now, but please don't make it worse. please don't TRY to make it worse.
this isn't for sympathy. don't say 'i'm so sorry jackie'. i know you are. i know you wish things weren't tough for me, for all of us. but i just want to get it out. because i hate keeping everything bottled up inside. i need to tell people what's on my mind. this is me doing that. for all five of you. here i am.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
9/12 college
9/12:
"I can swing on the swing all by myself now, even though i miss you pushing me."
i am independent. i make my own decisions. i do what i want. i stay out late. i study when i need to. i sleep where i want to. i go to parties. i go to socials, i talk on the phone, i go on the computer and you never know. you never will know. but that doesn't mean i don't reminisce about when i went to you with all of my problems. when it was you telling me that i should come home, or that i should study- that i would regret not doing so later. when you helped me through my decisions, even though you always ultimately let me make them on my own. you taught me about life. i'm far away now, but i miss being near you. i will always wonder- what if life was so much different? what if it wasn't the norm to go away? what if i had known you longer, better, more completely? what if leaving meant moving next door, not four hours away?
"I can swing on the swing all by myself now, even though i miss you pushing me."
i am independent. i make my own decisions. i do what i want. i stay out late. i study when i need to. i sleep where i want to. i go to parties. i go to socials, i talk on the phone, i go on the computer and you never know. you never will know. but that doesn't mean i don't reminisce about when i went to you with all of my problems. when it was you telling me that i should come home, or that i should study- that i would regret not doing so later. when you helped me through my decisions, even though you always ultimately let me make them on my own. you taught me about life. i'm far away now, but i miss being near you. i will always wonder- what if life was so much different? what if it wasn't the norm to go away? what if i had known you longer, better, more completely? what if leaving meant moving next door, not four hours away?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
9/11 momentarily
9/11:
topic given- "short story" but i'm done
i love my friends. i love that i have surrounded myself with the people i have. i hate the thought of leaving these people in the too near future. it scares me. moving outside of my comfort zone will be hard. i am scared, to tell the truth. i am afraid of what will come of not seeing the people i have grown to count on every day of my life. i fear change. i don't want it to be different, but at the same time i need to get out of here. i need to experience independence and freedom and aloneness. not loneliness, mind you. i need to really live, not just depend on the lives of others. i need to learn to solve problems myself, to find out what it's like not to be able to vent to my best friend about anything worrying me. but i'm so scared.
topic given- "short story" but i'm done
i love my friends. i love that i have surrounded myself with the people i have. i hate the thought of leaving these people in the too near future. it scares me. moving outside of my comfort zone will be hard. i am scared, to tell the truth. i am afraid of what will come of not seeing the people i have grown to count on every day of my life. i fear change. i don't want it to be different, but at the same time i need to get out of here. i need to experience independence and freedom and aloneness. not loneliness, mind you. i need to really live, not just depend on the lives of others. i need to learn to solve problems myself, to find out what it's like not to be able to vent to my best friend about anything worrying me. but i'm so scared.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
9/9 thoughts
i didn't post on friday, because i just added a little part to my short story. it was a little bit of my first post ever, the one on one experience with that one friend. i thought it was important to bring her more fully into the story before the ending, because, in the end, it was mostly about her.
i'm pretty proud of the story. i'd have been less so if you guys hadn't given me the feedback that you did. i had no idea that that many intense emotions would come from it. i hope my classmates like it as well, and as much.
i'm not going to be there for my creative writing class tomorrow, we're leaving school early for a tennis match in lompoc. i'm pretty sad because we're all printing out our stories anonymously and reading them and giving feedback. that might not all be done tomorrow, but we'll see.
i changed my story a little. i'm ok with people knowing i wrote it, but since they're supposed to be anonymous, i decided to make it a little less me. just very little things have been changed. i'm from mentor, illinois. i left the address the same. i took out my name, replaced it with 'my love,' or 'sweetie,' etc. or just took it out when it wasn't really needed. instead of saying the initials, KW + JI, i just said we carved our initials. that was pretty much all i had to change. i didn't want to get too far from the truth, and this way i didn't have to. i don't think anyone in my class lived in illinois, but i'm ok with that. maybe they'll think it's fiction. we'll see in the feedback. i'm stoked.
finally, i just wanted to thank everyone, so so much, for GIVING me that feedback i love so much. it really did mean the world to me. i have no idea how i write. the only advice i've ever gotten has been grades from teachers i don't really agree with. and it's all about fact. so. thank you.
i love you all. i hope you know that.
i'm pretty proud of the story. i'd have been less so if you guys hadn't given me the feedback that you did. i had no idea that that many intense emotions would come from it. i hope my classmates like it as well, and as much.
i'm not going to be there for my creative writing class tomorrow, we're leaving school early for a tennis match in lompoc. i'm pretty sad because we're all printing out our stories anonymously and reading them and giving feedback. that might not all be done tomorrow, but we'll see.
i changed my story a little. i'm ok with people knowing i wrote it, but since they're supposed to be anonymous, i decided to make it a little less me. just very little things have been changed. i'm from mentor, illinois. i left the address the same. i took out my name, replaced it with 'my love,' or 'sweetie,' etc. or just took it out when it wasn't really needed. instead of saying the initials, KW + JI, i just said we carved our initials. that was pretty much all i had to change. i didn't want to get too far from the truth, and this way i didn't have to. i don't think anyone in my class lived in illinois, but i'm ok with that. maybe they'll think it's fiction. we'll see in the feedback. i'm stoked.
finally, i just wanted to thank everyone, so so much, for GIVING me that feedback i love so much. it really did mean the world to me. i have no idea how i write. the only advice i've ever gotten has been grades from teachers i don't really agree with. and it's all about fact. so. thank you.
i love you all. i hope you know that.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
9/6 story iii
9/6:
topic given- 'continue your short story'
Every house we looked at didn't feel right. Our realtor was as fake as her tan. She didn't care about me or my family- just about closing a deal. We searched for days in the heat- I knew I couldn't see myself living there. We found a piece of land up in the hills that was the site of a future house- the site of my future home.
July came- my books in boxes, clothes in suitcases, furniture on the truck. I sat on the curb next to my friend of ten years, my sister, my role model. She wasn't an emotional person, so we sat there in silence. We weren't the hugging type, so we sat a few inches apart. I looked over at her. She wasn't emotional, but for the first time since I'd known her, the tears streaming down her face were my fault. We weren't the hugging type, but it only took a second for me to wrap my arms around her.
"Don't go, Jackie, don't, I don't want you to leave, please don't go!"
Both our faces were tear-stained. Her tears soaked my shirt, mine her hair. Something had to be done to remember my being there- to make sure we weren't forgotten.
We got up and walked to the tree next to the concrete at the far back corner of my lawn. We picked up a sharp stick and carved in the back of it's trunk: KW + JI. We sat back down on the curb. Just sat there.
The big black car pulled up. My dad called to me to come, we're leaving. Still sobbing, I stood up. I got pulled back down. We held each other for a long while- knowing that the second we let go would mean it was over- would mean it was the end.
But we did. And it was.
Dad opened my car door and I got in. Tinted windows were not enough to shield my eyes from her face. My mom put her arm around my best friend. She fought to get away. I fought to look away. We turned the corner, she chased our car. I looked through the back window. She looked so small. I felt so small. The distance between us grew until she was no longer visible, but the image of her face, of her tear-filled eyes, the distance between me and that vision will never grow great enough.
The end.
(good ending? feedback? did it hit you? emotions?)
topic given- 'continue your short story'
Every house we looked at didn't feel right. Our realtor was as fake as her tan. She didn't care about me or my family- just about closing a deal. We searched for days in the heat- I knew I couldn't see myself living there. We found a piece of land up in the hills that was the site of a future house- the site of my future home.
July came- my books in boxes, clothes in suitcases, furniture on the truck. I sat on the curb next to my friend of ten years, my sister, my role model. She wasn't an emotional person, so we sat there in silence. We weren't the hugging type, so we sat a few inches apart. I looked over at her. She wasn't emotional, but for the first time since I'd known her, the tears streaming down her face were my fault. We weren't the hugging type, but it only took a second for me to wrap my arms around her.
"Don't go, Jackie, don't, I don't want you to leave, please don't go!"
Both our faces were tear-stained. Her tears soaked my shirt, mine her hair. Something had to be done to remember my being there- to make sure we weren't forgotten.
We got up and walked to the tree next to the concrete at the far back corner of my lawn. We picked up a sharp stick and carved in the back of it's trunk: KW + JI. We sat back down on the curb. Just sat there.
The big black car pulled up. My dad called to me to come, we're leaving. Still sobbing, I stood up. I got pulled back down. We held each other for a long while- knowing that the second we let go would mean it was over- would mean it was the end.
But we did. And it was.
Dad opened my car door and I got in. Tinted windows were not enough to shield my eyes from her face. My mom put her arm around my best friend. She fought to get away. I fought to look away. We turned the corner, she chased our car. I looked through the back window. She looked so small. I felt so small. The distance between us grew until she was no longer visible, but the image of her face, of her tear-filled eyes, the distance between me and that vision will never grow great enough.
The end.
(good ending? feedback? did it hit you? emotions?)
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
9/5 stress
9/5:
topic given- 'continue short story,' but i took a break, story will continue tomorrow.
i want to be understood, i crave to be listened to, i need to be trusted. my words come like silence to those who need to hear them most. i am overwhelmed. i am stressed out. i can't think. i cry. i cry a lot. i wake up and everything should be forgotten, but i wake up and everything starts over again- the screaming, the fighting, from the second before i even open my eyes. the pressures are countless, but the list enlarges daily. college, scholarships, schedule, classes, sports, future, decisions, trips, homework, plans, priorities, friends, love, letters, phone calls, help!
i'm sorry my room isn't clean. i worked from morning till night instead of cleaning it. i'm sorry i got home late. i wanted to enjoy my one free night this week. i'm sorry i didn't call. i was caught up in one single moment of worriless wonder. i'm sorry i'm not perfect. i try my hardest at everything i do, do all that i can. i'm sorry the truth upset you. i rarely lie, even if doing so would save me from the yelling. i'm sorry i went to bed late. i got home at eight, did homework till eleven, cried myself to sleep till midnight. i'm sorry i don't sneak out. i'm sorry i don't drink. i'm sorry i don't get wasted and party and have sex and have sketchy friends. i'm sorry i hang out with people with my morals, with your morals, when i could easily disappoint you behind your back. i'm sorry that while other eighteen year olds are getting in trouble with the police, i'm getting in trouble for getting a B. i'm sorry that three ap classes and a cuesta class won't look good enough to colleges. i'm sorry i'm such a burden.
topic given- 'continue short story,' but i took a break, story will continue tomorrow.
i want to be understood, i crave to be listened to, i need to be trusted. my words come like silence to those who need to hear them most. i am overwhelmed. i am stressed out. i can't think. i cry. i cry a lot. i wake up and everything should be forgotten, but i wake up and everything starts over again- the screaming, the fighting, from the second before i even open my eyes. the pressures are countless, but the list enlarges daily. college, scholarships, schedule, classes, sports, future, decisions, trips, homework, plans, priorities, friends, love, letters, phone calls, help!
i'm sorry my room isn't clean. i worked from morning till night instead of cleaning it. i'm sorry i got home late. i wanted to enjoy my one free night this week. i'm sorry i didn't call. i was caught up in one single moment of worriless wonder. i'm sorry i'm not perfect. i try my hardest at everything i do, do all that i can. i'm sorry the truth upset you. i rarely lie, even if doing so would save me from the yelling. i'm sorry i went to bed late. i got home at eight, did homework till eleven, cried myself to sleep till midnight. i'm sorry i don't sneak out. i'm sorry i don't drink. i'm sorry i don't get wasted and party and have sex and have sketchy friends. i'm sorry i hang out with people with my morals, with your morals, when i could easily disappoint you behind your back. i'm sorry that while other eighteen year olds are getting in trouble with the police, i'm getting in trouble for getting a B. i'm sorry that three ap classes and a cuesta class won't look good enough to colleges. i'm sorry i'm such a burden.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
9/4 story ii
9/4:
topic given- 'continue your short story'
(cont'd)
No one believed me at first. I had lived there for so long- why would I be leaving? Pulling aside my best friends one by one to tell them the news. I had to follow in my paretns' footsteps, pasting that same deceiving smile on my face in order to make them listen to me. It was hard to fight back tears myself long enough to tell them that my words were true. As much as I hoped and prayed for their falsehood, there they were.
The time before I was allowed to tell them was by far harder. Visiting the middle school with my classmates with no intention of attending it. Asking subtley for everyone's phone numbers and e-mail addresses, making sure we'd be able to keep in touch. Treasuring every moment spent with my closest friends, as if I were dying rather than moving in two short months.
We took a few trips out to California "to visit my sister!" I told everyone. "To look at houses," they told me. I hated it. California was too hot, too sunny, too hilly. Where was the snow? It was February, it should have been snowing.
"What do you want our new house to have, my love?" She asked me, kindly.
"Two floors, and a basement. And a big back yard and a big front yard with lots of trees I can climb in; a nice neighborhood with tons of kids my age, and it has to be on a cul-de-sac with a basketball hoop, and there has to be a sandbox overgrown with weeds and small trees, and a black painted deck with a picnic table on it, and-"
"Stop."
If she would've let me, I would have continued:
7945 Wildwood Drive,
Mentor, Ohio, 44060
I had described my house to a tee. I wanted nothing less, nothing more. Just home, and that was the only answer I was capable of giving.
topic given- 'continue your short story'
(cont'd)
No one believed me at first. I had lived there for so long- why would I be leaving? Pulling aside my best friends one by one to tell them the news. I had to follow in my paretns' footsteps, pasting that same deceiving smile on my face in order to make them listen to me. It was hard to fight back tears myself long enough to tell them that my words were true. As much as I hoped and prayed for their falsehood, there they were.
The time before I was allowed to tell them was by far harder. Visiting the middle school with my classmates with no intention of attending it. Asking subtley for everyone's phone numbers and e-mail addresses, making sure we'd be able to keep in touch. Treasuring every moment spent with my closest friends, as if I were dying rather than moving in two short months.
We took a few trips out to California "to visit my sister!" I told everyone. "To look at houses," they told me. I hated it. California was too hot, too sunny, too hilly. Where was the snow? It was February, it should have been snowing.
"What do you want our new house to have, my love?" She asked me, kindly.
"Two floors, and a basement. And a big back yard and a big front yard with lots of trees I can climb in; a nice neighborhood with tons of kids my age, and it has to be on a cul-de-sac with a basketball hoop, and there has to be a sandbox overgrown with weeds and small trees, and a black painted deck with a picnic table on it, and-"
"Stop."
If she would've let me, I would have continued:
7945 Wildwood Drive,
Mentor, Ohio, 44060
I had described my house to a tee. I wanted nothing less, nothing more. Just home, and that was the only answer I was capable of giving.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
8/31 story i
8/31:
topic given- 'start your short story'
I was twelve years old. It wasn't my choice. She yelled at me, why, why? But it wasn't my choice, I swear.
They told me on the day before Christmas. We were in St. Croix of the US Virgin Islands- paradise turned hell. They pulled me into their master suite with deceiving smiles on their faces. Just mom, dad, and me- their youngest daughter, their pride and joy.
"Jackie, we have some exciting news!" they said, and with that statement, my life changed.
"Dad got a call, and we don't know for sure, but, well-" "We're moving to California!" Dad broke in.
The smile on my face could not have faded faster. My jaw dropped and then, almost immediately, came the tears. The shock on both their faces told me they weren't expecting this reaction. They thought I'd want this? It wasn't a question, it was a statement. We're moving across the country. Merry Christmas.
California- the land of movie stars, beaches, and palm trees. Home of the greatest university system in the country, no winters, and the Golden Gate Bridge. The place where everyone is a tan, rich, beautiful surfer. The state that others envy. The state that has everything. Everything except Mentor, Ohio. Everything but home.
It's not like I had lived there nine of my twelve years of existence. It's not like all my friends, my wonderful school, my neighborhood and my first boyfriend all resided in this one little town. That must have been what they were thinking, right? Why the hell else would they think of uprooting me from this life I had created for myself?- This perfection they had let me believe?
It wasn't easy, no doubt. I had to tell friend after friend that I was leaving. Had to be the one to put the tears in their eyes, the sadness in their hearts.
to be continued. just the start of a short story. let me know what you think, all 3 of you who read this.
topic given- 'start your short story'
I was twelve years old. It wasn't my choice. She yelled at me, why, why? But it wasn't my choice, I swear.
They told me on the day before Christmas. We were in St. Croix of the US Virgin Islands- paradise turned hell. They pulled me into their master suite with deceiving smiles on their faces. Just mom, dad, and me- their youngest daughter, their pride and joy.
"Jackie, we have some exciting news!" they said, and with that statement, my life changed.
"Dad got a call, and we don't know for sure, but, well-" "We're moving to California!" Dad broke in.
The smile on my face could not have faded faster. My jaw dropped and then, almost immediately, came the tears. The shock on both their faces told me they weren't expecting this reaction. They thought I'd want this? It wasn't a question, it was a statement. We're moving across the country. Merry Christmas.
California- the land of movie stars, beaches, and palm trees. Home of the greatest university system in the country, no winters, and the Golden Gate Bridge. The place where everyone is a tan, rich, beautiful surfer. The state that others envy. The state that has everything. Everything except Mentor, Ohio. Everything but home.
It's not like I had lived there nine of my twelve years of existence. It's not like all my friends, my wonderful school, my neighborhood and my first boyfriend all resided in this one little town. That must have been what they were thinking, right? Why the hell else would they think of uprooting me from this life I had created for myself?- This perfection they had let me believe?
It wasn't easy, no doubt. I had to tell friend after friend that I was leaving. Had to be the one to put the tears in their eyes, the sadness in their hearts.
to be continued. just the start of a short story. let me know what you think, all 3 of you who read this.
8/30 flash
8/30:
topic given- 'think about the thunderstorm'
I opened my eyes from a deep sleep, but, for a moment, my bedroom was no longer dark. My fan and shelves made definite shadows on the wall beside my bed. In another split second- black. I heard a loud crash outside, a sustained rumbling coming from the sky. A real-live thunder storm had woken me from my slumber. I lay awake listening to the noises it made and the shadows playing on my wall. Suddenly I was standing on my front porch on Wildwood Drive in Mentor, Ohio. The huge rain drops were splashing onto the road, and the sidewalks, and my front lawn. Though the full-grown oak trees seemed to offer a sort of shelter from the storm, the heaviest droplets coul dbe seen falling from the edges of the leaves. I knew it must be a dream, but felt so indescribably real. I could feel the warm, humid summer air engulf me. I was covered by the overhang of my roof, but I was still getting slightly misted by the rainfall. I looked across the street, and down it, only to see families with children my age standing together on their own porches. All were staring, mezmerized by the wonders of the rain, just as we were. I looked to my left and right- my mom and dad towering above me. Behind me on the green painted bench sat my sisters and brother, smiles on their faces as they oohed and ahhed at the storm. A whole community of us coming together with a single common love. We were in awe by the birghtness of the lighning strikes- slightly frightened but nonetheless entranced. We were startled by the level of sound the thunder was able to produce. I was still in my bed, I knew I would be, but it was so vividly clear for the time being. And it wasn't a dream, it was a memory of what had been. But only a memory.
topic given- 'think about the thunderstorm'
I opened my eyes from a deep sleep, but, for a moment, my bedroom was no longer dark. My fan and shelves made definite shadows on the wall beside my bed. In another split second- black. I heard a loud crash outside, a sustained rumbling coming from the sky. A real-live thunder storm had woken me from my slumber. I lay awake listening to the noises it made and the shadows playing on my wall. Suddenly I was standing on my front porch on Wildwood Drive in Mentor, Ohio. The huge rain drops were splashing onto the road, and the sidewalks, and my front lawn. Though the full-grown oak trees seemed to offer a sort of shelter from the storm, the heaviest droplets coul dbe seen falling from the edges of the leaves. I knew it must be a dream, but felt so indescribably real. I could feel the warm, humid summer air engulf me. I was covered by the overhang of my roof, but I was still getting slightly misted by the rainfall. I looked across the street, and down it, only to see families with children my age standing together on their own porches. All were staring, mezmerized by the wonders of the rain, just as we were. I looked to my left and right- my mom and dad towering above me. Behind me on the green painted bench sat my sisters and brother, smiles on their faces as they oohed and ahhed at the storm. A whole community of us coming together with a single common love. We were in awe by the birghtness of the lighning strikes- slightly frightened but nonetheless entranced. We were startled by the level of sound the thunder was able to produce. I was still in my bed, I knew I would be, but it was so vividly clear for the time being. And it wasn't a dream, it was a memory of what had been. But only a memory.
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