hi claudia

i love you and i miss you. i feel like i know that we'll always be friends. which is exciting, right?


i love you.

summer, week one, in a nutshell.

i've been meaning to write in my journal for forever. so much happened second semester and i wish i had written more. i always wish i had written more. i think i'll write a ton tonight and then continue every night, because looking back, i love reading even day to day musings. i don't really know what the word musings means, but i think i used it right.
this summer is only a week over with, and it's been so great, SO GREAT, even so far. i want to remember it, all of it, so here's a quick recap of every day. as much as i can remember, at least. here goes.

thursday, may 21:
i got home at 11:30pm, michelle came over to spend the night. we hugged a lot when she got here, almost teared up a little. we chilled and read a little bit from each of our journals to each other and talked a lot about boys. boys boys boys. it's our life (especially mine... more to follow). didn't stay up too too late, for us. maybe 2ish. she fell asleep while i was reading some entry. it was really great to see her. we've gotten ridiculously close the last few months. it's fantastic.
friday, may 22:
michelle stayed over till around 1 when she had to go to work. then at 5:30 i went down to avila for bonfuego #1. nate had gotten there before us, michelle's boy, and i was very stoked to meet him. a bunch of people ended up showing up, way more than expected. trying to remember who all was there: me michelle nate steve phil justin amber amber's boy lea nicole hanna (from berkeley) hockey trevor jim makayla kirsten and scott. so yeah, pretty solid. michelle lea amber and i had bathing suits and used them. not for long, but it was a nice little dip to honor the start of a great summer :) afterwards michelle nate steve phil and kiersten (who we picked up) went over to michelle's house, watched dr. horrible's sing along blog (AMAZING) and the little mermaid (with disappointing coloring). we ALSO baked a funfetti cake. and it was deeeeelish. i spent the night. we went to bed late... like 4. steve and i shared a blanket, some quite innocent cuddling happened. i fell asleep on his shoulder, then lap.
saturday, may 23:
woke up leisurely after michelle had left for work early. played super mario with steve (75 stars) while mikal and nate watched. boys were impressed with my mario skills. steve commented that it was weird for him not to be the master at the video game we were playing. they gave up arguing me about how to beat levels and where to go and such. made me happy. nate left for work, michelle came home, then nate brought friend over so i waited till they did so michelle didn't have to be alone. we played a little bit of rock band and then i left. night #1 without a sleepover since being home. nothing eventful that night, except getting a text from steve mentioning how he "forgot how nice it was to cuddle" the night before, and texting back and forth sort of mucho. michelle and nate perfumo canyon'ed and did some "MASSIVE cuddling" and a lotta who.
sunday, may 24:
we watched a bug's life on blu-ray, michelle and nate were sitting on the end cushion and steve and i were squished on the one next to them after he said "if they can share one, we can too." steve and i held hands... :) we then watched shanghai noon and then flushed away. were up till 5.
monday, may 25:
another morning of mario after michelle left for work. more sneaky hand holding. and then we beat the game! amazing. then beach day with me michelle nicole hockey trevor and a few of their friends. very relaxing, just laying out. michelle and i left and were soon called by nate who had wrecked. we spent the next few hours driving back to get him, talking with the cops, and then a ton of time trying to figure out how to get nate's bike into cassandra's truck. as luck would have it, a tow truck drove by and let us flag him down, which we thought was very convenient, until he was going to charge too much and take too long. so we started walking to look for a place we could leave his bike overnight at least, and as luck would have it (again?) a guy leaned out of his upstairs window of his house and asked if we needed help in the form of some ropes and a bike ramp. amazing. so we got the 600 lb bike into the truck, drove slowly while scared for our lives (which clearly depended solely on the bike getting to nate's safely). then went back to michelle's, nate michelle me steve cassandra sarah justin. made donut nicknames. watched NEWSIES (!!!) which the newsie virgins liked and nate and i still LOVED. i left but the rest of them watched dark night also.
tuesday, may 26:
i can't for the life of me figure out what i did tuesday day, which makes me think i helped my parents at mission. tuesday night was great though. we went over to steve and michelle's mom's house and hot tub double dated. it was cute and cuddly and fun. then we went back to mom's and got changed while michelle and i discussed my want or not want to kiss steve. twas left undecided... we then turned on sponegebob, watched an episode before michelle left to take nate home and then go home herself. steve and i stayed to watch one more episode, the bubble blowing one, and had our first kiss as spongebob was explaining the proper bubble blowing technique :). we then left, took a detour to go to phil's house so i could meet josh mancrush morrow who was awesome, and the rest of phil's family. good cake. very carefree and comfortable. a little past midnight we left there and went to dad's house where michelle was already asleep and steve and i put on finding nemo but mainly just talked about everything for a long time. till 4:08 in fact, when steve said i should go to bed because their dad would be up soon. i did. and 2 minutes later, dad came out. goooood timing :) great night.
wednesday, may 27:
so i woke up leisurely on wednesday, woke up steve and sat with him for a little. michelle had left early for mommalogues, steve had work early as well, and i had to drive back to atascadero to get my dad to drive him BACK into slo for school, so i left the house at 8:30 in the morning. went looking for jobs a little later. walked all around downtown, then met up with chelle and went to apple farm and got her glasses (that are cute, despite not working SUPER well). chelle and nate and steve were supposed to come over later that night, but nate had work the next morning and said he couldn't, so none of them did. later, however, nate realized he actually needed no sleep and hung out with chelle till like 5 or something, leaving steve and i to sadly IM all night instead of being face to face... bummer night... until...
thursday, may 28:
A FISH! at 2:00am approximately, after i talked to steve's friend josh for forever and he apparently approved. great conversation. the next morning i went into school with my dad, drove over to steve's mom's to wake him up. stayed at mom's till 1ish just being lazy and lounging. then went downtown to drop off some job apps and walk around, to cheap thrills and verizon (to meet john, who i was introduced to as his girlfriend...tehe) and such till 4 when steve had work. i met up with nate and chelle at woodstock's for meat lovers pizza. we split up after that but reunite when chelle and nate come over to my house after getting stuff from their respective houses. the 3 of us watch fieval goes west, nate falls asleep on the ground, and i straightened michelle's hair and had a great girl talk sesh with her before steve got there. then we watched surf ninjas where most of us fell asleep, and then put on pocahontas, because we don't like being at all awake with no movie on. boys slept in the game room, girls in mine. good night.
friday, may 29:
chelle and nate left early to get to slo. i woke up steve, we hung out for a little before getting ready and heading down to slo also for mommalogues. steve dropped me off and i sat in the VIP area where nate let me in. saw grant and little missioners after the show (and michelle, obviously), then went to chelle's house to be girly (paint my nails) and watch peter pan with real people and i fell asleep un poco. when it was done, we went downtown and met up with nate and just walked around a lot, went into blah and such. then they left to go to the beach to meet up with selena and friends who were in town and i went to laguna grill to meet up with steve and jason (friend since forever) for the lakers game. twas a good time, all steve's friends were nice though i feel like i was sort of quieter than usual. went back to steve's mom's house and then wanted to go watch a couple movies with nate and chelle, but then were invited to dessert at novo with mom and john. called parents who wanted me home after dessert. but dessert was good, good conversation, very comfortable, discovered just how identical our families are to each other. went home, started talking to steve online and fell asleep while doing so.
saturday, may 30:
with steve in the morning, bonding, talking about ex's and relationships and such, really good conversation. later that night, we were at mom's house and she broke out the photo albums to show us hilarious and adorable pictures of michelle and steve as babies. also, watermelon. i went home and talked to steve on the phone till we were both falling asleep at 2:30.
sunday, may 31:
had to help mom with a catering event all day. throughout the day i couldn't text too much because i was really busy, but got a few real sweet texts from steve, offering to pick me up or drop me off wherever whenever. really nice. had a talk with mom where we discussed her concerns about steve being 22 and what he [wanted] from the relationship and all. i think i reassured her. she was going to be there longer than i wanted to, so i called steve and had him pick me up a little later. we started going to dad's house but stopped at steve's friend andy's house and talked to him outside for a while. really nice guy whose girlfriend is also going to berkeley next year, so there was talk of the 2 of them road tripping to see the 2 of us next year. then we went to bible study with nate and chelle, met colin and the rest of the bible studiers and had good cake. then back to dad's house where we watched he's just not that into you with terri, and then wall-e and galaxy quest as movies to fall asleep to. which we did, accidentally, on the floor of the living room. chelle and nate had separated on the couch in the middle of the night but steve and i were full on spooning the next morning when the hansen family woke up. oops...

so summer has been great since this. i have still seen michelle everyday since being home, and steve everyday except yesterday and today because he's in vegas for JD's bachelor party. friends are great, boy is great, summer is just really really great. and will continue to be. word. love always.

5/5 rainier

5/5:
topic given- 'start a project that will take two weeks, (eg. a narrative poem, 125+ lines)'

note: this is the sequel to rainy, the narrative poem i wrote in january. i would suggest reading it before reading this, as there is quite a few references to it. aka, this is the same poem, from the lovely boy's point of view. any feedback would be appreciated. enjoy :)



rainier.
by jaclyn iaquinta.

On this morning in April,
When n’one expects a thing,
He sits alone in silence
Upon the rain-dropped swing.

His toes caress the sandbox,
The sand between his toes,
Mind wandering to elsewhere,
Thoughts no one cares to know.

This morning was the last straw,
Dad finally walked out.
Today will be the ending
Of eighteen years of doubt.

The fighting and the yelling
Throughout the past few years,
Life filled with expectations
That end in many tears.

The rain starts falling harder
(Things just weren’t bad enough?).
Rain always makes him angry,
But life’s already tough.

He’s waited for too long now.
He’s sure of his own choice.
He’s got his gun in pocket,
Ready to end his voice.

He walks three blocks up Lincoln.
The bus stop isn’t far,
But water flies upon him
Splashed from the passing car.

He wonders what he’s done to
Deserve all that he’s faced.
He wants to end it sooner
So he quickens his pace.

His mom was always tipsy,
Never ceasing to fight;
And dad would become violent
When day turned into night.

As his parents’ only child
He couldn’t do more wrong,
Live up to what they hope for
Or disappoint ‘fore long.

The plan is set in stone now.
He doubts himself no more.
This act will make them notice
What they’d always ignored.

He left home early morning.
He’ll take bus two- oh- eight.
It leaves at seven thirty.
All he can do is wait.

He’ll take it two towns over.
He’ll step onto the street.
He’ll wander to the river
Where gun and head shall meet.

He hates that rain is falling
On this most fateful day.
The streets are shining silver,
The clouds their darkest gray.

Upon reaching the bus stop,
He sits upon the bench
Beneath the plastic shelter
Watching all else get drenched.

Just then as he is sitting
In sadness and despair,
His thoughts are interrupted-
A warm breeze in the air.

He looks across the blacktop,
His heart skipping a beat,
He swears it is an angel,
Yellow boots on her feet.

She steps off of the sidewalk.
She’s seeming to come near.
He thinks he must be dreaming,
Assumes she’ll disappear.

But she continues walking,
Approaching only he.
She has a skip in her step
As if she’s finally free.

She’s standing just before him.
She offers him her hand.
He takes it without thinking,
She seems to understand.

He wonders what he’s done to
Deserve this girl who’s come,
It seems like she could save him
From what he may become.

They walk along in silence.
He holds tight to her palm.
He looks upon her soft cheek,
And instantly feels calm.

She asks, “Where did you come from?”
Her lips forming the phrase.
He thinks how to avoid it
But can’t find any ways.

He claims it doesn’t matter
While thinking otherwise-
His parents and his sadness
Have lead to his demise.

She poses other questions.
She cares ‘bout who he is.
He answers her with honor.
The thoughts are truly his.

The rain persists in pouring.
It seems that plans have changed.
They treasure every moment,
A time that fate arranged.

He turns to face her fully,
Her beauty burns his soul,
His body fills with gladness,
His heart finally whole.

A tear rolls past her smile,
This day being too much.
He wipes away the water
Dissolving with his touch.

He brings her to his body,
Holds her with all his might.
Too soon to know for sure but,
It couldn’t feel more right.

The rain starts falling slower,
Forgotten though it was,
He questions her with, “Why me?”
Her lone reply, “Because.”

He thought the rain had stopped it
From coming round the bend,
But the bus comes into view
As the rain comes to an end.

He helps her up its high steps,
Relieving all his strife,
A simple word of kindness.
The girl who saved his life.

3/31 free

3/31:
topic given- 'free write'

stop asking, stop asking, stop asking! people need to stop asking the fateful question- 'did you get in?' no. i didn't. that's all there is. there isn't anymore. people used to ask what my number one was, my answer was always the same. stanford or berkeley. always. and i truly believed that- that they were equal. but now that i've heard back- one good news, acceptance, one bad news, rejection- i know what i believe i truly knew all along. it has always been stanford. there was never a question. i would have accepted the second i'd received the congratulations letter- no questions asked. but that's not an option. a dream deferred, a hope left hopeless, a wish ungrated. that's all there is. there isn't anymore. how i wish it was different. what i would give for it to be different. take back my five other acceptances, i'll trade them in for just the one, to have good news. to be able to say yes to that fateful question. what i wouldn't give. after working so hard, wasting so much time, slaving away, for what? a second choice. that's all there is. there isn't anymore.
so stop asking.

3/14 inspiring

3/14:
topic given- 'your poem will be taught in every high school, memorized by every student, and translated into every language. write that poem.'

(written at 11:30pm the night before it was due.)

be brave.
by jaclyn iaquinta.

To pursue a dream is a feat of
the willing,
the dedicated,
the zealous.
To abandon a passion is a work of
the indifferent,
the halfhearted,
the unprepared.
To shift from the latter to the first is a triumph of
the brave,
the courageous,
the strong at heart.

3/13 lion

3/13:
topic given- 'write a poem inspired by this slideshow of animals'

huge and mighty
brave and strong
others fear it
all day long
stealth and sly
and full of pride
many creatures
run and hide
lions tigers
bears oh my
tigers falter
bears dont try
but lions rise
above the rest
dont deny
they are the best

3/11 war

3/11:
topic given- 'write a poem inspired by this picture of a soldier'

war.
by jaclyn iaquinta.

I try to keep my
courage
in the face of such a
war,
trying to
remember
just what I’m fighting for;
but as the bombs come falling
in all their
black
and
dread,
making scenes before me turn
darkened shades of red,
all on my mind is
family,
waiting for me back home,
it’s not enough just thinking,
or talking on the phone. I don’t
regret
enlisting, that isn’t what I mean,
despite the gruesome shootings, and all the
bloody scenes.
I’m fighting for
my country,
for freedom, and
for peace,
for brother and for sister, for mother, nephew, niece.
I’ll come home soon, I
promise,
try not to worry much.
It won’t be long before I stop
longing for your
touch.