8/29:
topic given- 'write about your favorite quote'
"Have heart, my dear, we're bound to be afraid," he said to me. How wonderful, I thought, that in my moment of disallusion there is someone who cares about me so. "My dear," he had called me. Stay strong, don't give up, you're not alone. That's what I understood his words to mean. My stresses are natural, normal. I'm allowed to be scared right now, at this point in time. I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not alone. That was something that was important for me to realize. It was a big step. All this time I'd been waiting to feel a part of something greater than I. But I now understood that I already am. I am human. I am mortal. I feel the same things and share my emotions with everyone else. "Have heart," he had told me. You'll get through this, you'll rise above it. I can, too, I thought. I am bigger than these issues. They cannot overcome me. I will not be conquered. "My dear," he had said to me. He understands, I really am not alone. "We're bound to be afraid," and I believe his words.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
8/28 rain
8/28:
topic given- slow motion video of a water balloon being popped.
"Ready, set, GO!" we screamed as we ran through the sprinkler. We were five, and at the age when wearing tankinis meant you were cool. The water splashed on our faces and our bodies and we went from dry to utterly wet in a matter of seconds. Our voices reached the high pitch that only little girls can as we pounced into the puddles of water leftover on the grass. Now our feet were muddy, and our skinny legs were specked with blades of grass. We were so cool. We looked through the steadily oscillating stream of water and saw a rainbow. Ah, so that is rain, we thought. Rain that mom collected, only to release it for our enjoyment. We wondered how long it must have taken her to gather up so many rain drops. All we knew was that we were glad she did. We danced under the drips and held hands and spun in circles. The rest of the world went blurry, but not her face. My eyelashes were lined with water but my vision stayed clear. The rest of the world was moving as we stood still. We stopped spinning and leaned back- her weight balanced mine. She was smiling giggling. I was mezmerized, entranced by her laughter. "Happy," I thought, "that's happiness."
topic given- slow motion video of a water balloon being popped.
"Ready, set, GO!" we screamed as we ran through the sprinkler. We were five, and at the age when wearing tankinis meant you were cool. The water splashed on our faces and our bodies and we went from dry to utterly wet in a matter of seconds. Our voices reached the high pitch that only little girls can as we pounced into the puddles of water leftover on the grass. Now our feet were muddy, and our skinny legs were specked with blades of grass. We were so cool. We looked through the steadily oscillating stream of water and saw a rainbow. Ah, so that is rain, we thought. Rain that mom collected, only to release it for our enjoyment. We wondered how long it must have taken her to gather up so many rain drops. All we knew was that we were glad she did. We danced under the drips and held hands and spun in circles. The rest of the world went blurry, but not her face. My eyelashes were lined with water but my vision stayed clear. The rest of the world was moving as we stood still. We stopped spinning and leaned back- her weight balanced mine. She was smiling giggling. I was mezmerized, entranced by her laughter. "Happy," I thought, "that's happiness."
Monday, August 27, 2007
8/27 right
8/27:
There are moments that are just bursting with perfection, where everything feels, well, right. Moments when no addition could make it better, and when any subtraction from the situation would only hurt the perfection. The sensation one feels when put in a situation such as this cannot be rightly put into words. It is a feeling like one's first kiss, or first date, or first ride on a rollercoaster. It is a moment filled with incredible exhilaration, extreme happiness, and sometimes also nervous excitement at what will happen next. This moment can last a few days, or just a split second. One may not even appreciate the perfection of the moment until it is really thought about. Whether the point in time had involved a past love, a former friend, or a momentarily forgotten family member, one can never look back on the moment with regret. No matter the current situation, the feeling of this moment can only be thought about with joy. The perfection can never be lessened with the passing of time.
"Put out your arms!"
"What?"
"Your arms! Put them up!"
I did so with confusion, but also trust. He had never given me any reason to doubt him.
"Now put your skis together!"
"What's going on?"
"Just do it!"
I did so with confusion, but also trust. He had never given me any reason to doubt him.
A few seconds passed, no one in front of me, only him behind. There were trees to my left and more to my right, in thick rows that left only a path between them. The slope was not steep by any means, merely angled enough to allow the skiier to glide effortlessly across the snow.
Hands at my sides startled me at first, but my fright quickly morphed into indescribable happiness as his arms moved forward until they completely captured my waist. I looked down and saw two sets of skis where my single pair had just lay. I felt a warm cheek against mine where frigidness had just been felt. I closed my eyes. I was flying. There was no doubt.
In minutes that felt like hours, we were lost, but fear could not have been further from our minds. We were lost where people were rarely present- the snow up to our knees where trees were absent. We were not cold. We took off our skis. Our boots were heavy to walk in.
"I want to make a snow angel."
So he turned me around, my back towards the deepest part of the snow. He pushed me lightly so that my body made a perfect imprint in the snow. I flapped my arms and spread my legs repeatedly, creating the snow angel I desired- flawless. He did the same to my right. The sun was out, and we were not cold.
I layed there for a minute before I felt a snowball fall onto my chest- my childhood reborn. I threw one back, lovingly of course, with my face frownless. With snow covering his face, he turned to me laughing. I leaned out of my angel shell and kissed his frozen lips. No words needed to be spoken. The perfection could be felt, it was not necessary to identify it.
There are moments that are just bursting with perfection,
where everything feels...
well...
right.
There are moments that are just bursting with perfection, where everything feels, well, right. Moments when no addition could make it better, and when any subtraction from the situation would only hurt the perfection. The sensation one feels when put in a situation such as this cannot be rightly put into words. It is a feeling like one's first kiss, or first date, or first ride on a rollercoaster. It is a moment filled with incredible exhilaration, extreme happiness, and sometimes also nervous excitement at what will happen next. This moment can last a few days, or just a split second. One may not even appreciate the perfection of the moment until it is really thought about. Whether the point in time had involved a past love, a former friend, or a momentarily forgotten family member, one can never look back on the moment with regret. No matter the current situation, the feeling of this moment can only be thought about with joy. The perfection can never be lessened with the passing of time.
"Put out your arms!"
"What?"
"Your arms! Put them up!"
I did so with confusion, but also trust. He had never given me any reason to doubt him.
"Now put your skis together!"
"What's going on?"
"Just do it!"
I did so with confusion, but also trust. He had never given me any reason to doubt him.
A few seconds passed, no one in front of me, only him behind. There were trees to my left and more to my right, in thick rows that left only a path between them. The slope was not steep by any means, merely angled enough to allow the skiier to glide effortlessly across the snow.
Hands at my sides startled me at first, but my fright quickly morphed into indescribable happiness as his arms moved forward until they completely captured my waist. I looked down and saw two sets of skis where my single pair had just lay. I felt a warm cheek against mine where frigidness had just been felt. I closed my eyes. I was flying. There was no doubt.
In minutes that felt like hours, we were lost, but fear could not have been further from our minds. We were lost where people were rarely present- the snow up to our knees where trees were absent. We were not cold. We took off our skis. Our boots were heavy to walk in.
"I want to make a snow angel."
So he turned me around, my back towards the deepest part of the snow. He pushed me lightly so that my body made a perfect imprint in the snow. I flapped my arms and spread my legs repeatedly, creating the snow angel I desired- flawless. He did the same to my right. The sun was out, and we were not cold.
I layed there for a minute before I felt a snowball fall onto my chest- my childhood reborn. I threw one back, lovingly of course, with my face frownless. With snow covering his face, he turned to me laughing. I leaned out of my angel shell and kissed his frozen lips. No words needed to be spoken. The perfection could be felt, it was not necessary to identify it.
There are moments that are just bursting with perfection,
where everything feels...
well...
right.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
8/24 perfect
8/24:
Moments I felt truly, perfectly alive:
-Sitting in the back of Craig's truck, listening to Rascal Flatts and singing along with Whitney while stargazing in the middle of nowhere.
-Singing 'Your Guardian Angel' with Alyssa, Makayla etc. at Bonfuego.
-Skiing down not-so-steep slope with Josh's arms around me and his skis to either side of mine.
-Sitting on the beach of Montana de Oro with LB.
-Ice skating in Atascadero and holding hands with everyone in sight.
-Talking about everything with JJ, Whitney, and Josh from four to seven in the morning on new year's day.
(To be added to, but never subtracted from, at any given moment as needed.)
Moments I felt truly, perfectly alive:
-Sitting in the back of Craig's truck, listening to Rascal Flatts and singing along with Whitney while stargazing in the middle of nowhere.
-Singing 'Your Guardian Angel' with Alyssa, Makayla etc. at Bonfuego.
-Skiing down not-so-steep slope with Josh's arms around me and his skis to either side of mine.
-Sitting on the beach of Montana de Oro with LB.
-Ice skating in Atascadero and holding hands with everyone in sight.
-Talking about everything with JJ, Whitney, and Josh from four to seven in the morning on new year's day.
(To be added to, but never subtracted from, at any given moment as needed.)
8/24 toybox
8/24:
topic given- a potato, literally, and 'think outside the box'
Monopoly. Chutes and Ladders. The Game of Life. Bop It. Hungry Hungry Hippos. Four Square. Every kid has their favorite- the one game they could play over and over again and never get sick of; the one top they couldn't imagine living without. Mr. Potato Head. He was mine. Sure, sometimes he only had one ear, or a foot coming out of his eye socket, but he never left my side. More people should look upu to Mr. Potato Head. He was completely comfortable no matter what you made him look like. No torso? No problem. He was perfect when I got him for my fifth birthday- pristine. He has since lost an arm, and his color has slightly faded. But he'll still put on a smile... when you put a smile on him. We can all learn something from my dear friend, Mr. Potato Head.
topic given- a potato, literally, and 'think outside the box'
Monopoly. Chutes and Ladders. The Game of Life. Bop It. Hungry Hungry Hippos. Four Square. Every kid has their favorite- the one game they could play over and over again and never get sick of; the one top they couldn't imagine living without. Mr. Potato Head. He was mine. Sure, sometimes he only had one ear, or a foot coming out of his eye socket, but he never left my side. More people should look upu to Mr. Potato Head. He was completely comfortable no matter what you made him look like. No torso? No problem. He was perfect when I got him for my fifth birthday- pristine. He has since lost an arm, and his color has slightly faded. But he'll still put on a smile... when you put a smile on him. We can all learn something from my dear friend, Mr. Potato Head.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
8/23 if
8/23:
topic given- 'if you died tomorrow...'
I'd tell you I love you, I'll meet you up there,
I'd tell you I need you, and tell you I care.
I'd tell you I'm sorry, I wish I could too,
Because in my heart it has always been you.
I'd thank you for all of the things that you said,
I'd tell you the dreams kept away in my head.
I'd pay you back every cent that I owe,
Then thank you for showing me which way to go.
If I died tomorrow, these things I would say,
But for now I will keep them hidden away.
[i wasn't feeling too creative today.]
topic given- 'if you died tomorrow...'
I'd tell you I love you, I'll meet you up there,
I'd tell you I need you, and tell you I care.
I'd tell you I'm sorry, I wish I could too,
Because in my heart it has always been you.
I'd thank you for all of the things that you said,
I'd tell you the dreams kept away in my head.
I'd pay you back every cent that I owe,
Then thank you for showing me which way to go.
If I died tomorrow, these things I would say,
But for now I will keep them hidden away.
[i wasn't feeling too creative today.]
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
8/22 colorful
8/22:
topic given- 'if the world were only two colors...'
That smile is as bright as the stars.
Those eyes are the blue of the sea.
That grass? As green as an emerald.
Those sunflowers are yellow like the sun.
Stars are full of energy, but they die out.
And the sea gets polluted, and no longer blue.
And the emeralds are broken into thousands of pieces.
And sunflowers wither into non-yellow brownness.
So your smile is bright, just bright.
And your eyes are the purest blue.
And the grass you sit upon is perfectly green.
And the sunflower you hand me will live forever.
topic given- 'if the world were only two colors...'
That smile is as bright as the stars.
Those eyes are the blue of the sea.
That grass? As green as an emerald.
Those sunflowers are yellow like the sun.
Stars are full of energy, but they die out.
And the sea gets polluted, and no longer blue.
And the emeralds are broken into thousands of pieces.
And sunflowers wither into non-yellow brownness.
So your smile is bright, just bright.
And your eyes are the purest blue.
And the grass you sit upon is perfectly green.
And the sunflower you hand me will live forever.
8/21 leaving
8/21:
topic given- something you've discarded
I was twelve years old. It wasn't my choice. She yelled at me, why, why? But it wasn't my choice, I swear. They needed him in the west, and I had no choice.
"Here are the papers, look. We're looking for houses, look, right here."
"Shut up! Stop talking like that! It's not true, shut up!"
As if I wanted to throw away every year since I was two. But it wasn't my choice. She had to understand, I had to make her understand that it wasn't. My. Choice.
And then came the tears.
And then came the silence.
And then came the anger and then the yelling and then the walking out.
I was pissed too, you think I wasn't? I was mad as hell, you think I wasn't?
Who wants to leave? I don't want to leave!
And then came the goodbyes.
And then came the tears.
And then came the curbside and then the tree and then the car.
The car.
The big, black, tinted windows, car.
And in seconds it was gone. All of it.
But you have to believe me. It wasn't my choice.
topic given- something you've discarded
I was twelve years old. It wasn't my choice. She yelled at me, why, why? But it wasn't my choice, I swear. They needed him in the west, and I had no choice.
"Here are the papers, look. We're looking for houses, look, right here."
"Shut up! Stop talking like that! It's not true, shut up!"
As if I wanted to throw away every year since I was two. But it wasn't my choice. She had to understand, I had to make her understand that it wasn't. My. Choice.
And then came the tears.
And then came the silence.
And then came the anger and then the yelling and then the walking out.
I was pissed too, you think I wasn't? I was mad as hell, you think I wasn't?
Who wants to leave? I don't want to leave!
And then came the goodbyes.
And then came the tears.
And then came the curbside and then the tree and then the car.
The car.
The big, black, tinted windows, car.
And in seconds it was gone. All of it.
But you have to believe me. It wasn't my choice.
just starting
school just started and (against my will) i was put into a creative writing class. i REALLY wasn't happy about it. but then i got in, and i didn't want to leave. there's no structure, and it's so laid back. i brought in a freaking floor cushion and people have bean bag chairs for the room to write on! it's so great- so relaxing. i love it.
we have to write every day (duh?), and i've sort of liked what i've written so far, so i wanted to start this blog to record them, in case my journal gets lost, and just so that other people can read my thoughts.
i hope you enjoy, feel free to leave comments (can you leave comments?) and let me know what you think. i think the ones so far would be better if i read them outloud, to intensify the parts that i want to stand out. but, this will have to do.
have fun, love always.
we have to write every day (duh?), and i've sort of liked what i've written so far, so i wanted to start this blog to record them, in case my journal gets lost, and just so that other people can read my thoughts.
i hope you enjoy, feel free to leave comments (can you leave comments?) and let me know what you think. i think the ones so far would be better if i read them outloud, to intensify the parts that i want to stand out. but, this will have to do.
have fun, love always.
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