9/6:
topic given- 'continue your short story'
Every house we looked at didn't feel right. Our realtor was as fake as her tan. She didn't care about me or my family- just about closing a deal. We searched for days in the heat- I knew I couldn't see myself living there. We found a piece of land up in the hills that was the site of a future house- the site of my future home.
July came- my books in boxes, clothes in suitcases, furniture on the truck. I sat on the curb next to my friend of ten years, my sister, my role model. She wasn't an emotional person, so we sat there in silence. We weren't the hugging type, so we sat a few inches apart. I looked over at her. She wasn't emotional, but for the first time since I'd known her, the tears streaming down her face were my fault. We weren't the hugging type, but it only took a second for me to wrap my arms around her.
"Don't go, Jackie, don't, I don't want you to leave, please don't go!"
Both our faces were tear-stained. Her tears soaked my shirt, mine her hair. Something had to be done to remember my being there- to make sure we weren't forgotten.
We got up and walked to the tree next to the concrete at the far back corner of my lawn. We picked up a sharp stick and carved in the back of it's trunk: KW + JI. We sat back down on the curb. Just sat there.
The big black car pulled up. My dad called to me to come, we're leaving. Still sobbing, I stood up. I got pulled back down. We held each other for a long while- knowing that the second we let go would mean it was over- would mean it was the end.
But we did. And it was.
Dad opened my car door and I got in. Tinted windows were not enough to shield my eyes from her face. My mom put her arm around my best friend. She fought to get away. I fought to look away. We turned the corner, she chased our car. I looked through the back window. She looked so small. I felt so small. The distance between us grew until she was no longer visible, but the image of her face, of her tear-filled eyes, the distance between me and that vision will never grow great enough.
The end.
(good ending? feedback? did it hit you? emotions?)
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5 comments:
That. was. amazing.
i was literally like 3 inches away from my monitor when i was reading that.
very... Gripping!
made me sad, and very intrigued!
amazing ending.
bravo.
i'd by the sequal. ''Jakion.. California bound!''
-DG
and i almost started crying.
wow you see i dont cry and i almost did reading this cuz it seemed so sad. thats pretty impressive.
I am sorry you had to go through something as heart-wrenching as that. I would not even know how to deal with something like that level of an uprooting. Good story.
We all have this kind of story; the kind you can't give enough words to make anyone else see it the same as you did. Sure, things change later and as I'm reading it I almost want you to keep going, say "then I moved to California and eventually met some good people there too" I think you're going to describe people EYE know, but you can't. You did a really good job, it connects to the reader really well. I'm glad you shared your story, love. I want you to show your parents. I don't think they know what it was like for you but you express it well here. Love you tons.
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